“Why?” you ask me, “Why do you have this aura of sadness around you?”
That’s when it hit me. No matter how happy I am, I’m still carrying around the sense of loss I feel for my middle daughter. It’s not that she’s dead. Perhaps that would be easier to deal with. No, she’s very much alive, but I have not seen nor spoken to her in over eight years. She has cut me out of her life. I’m not exactly sure of my crimes because this all came to be after she stopped talking to me. I send cards, letters and money. She cashes the checks but never responds. I get glimpses of her from other people’s Facebook pages, those who are lucky enough to be in her good graces, when they occasionally let me look at her profile. I watch videos of her on You Tube, able to see her, living and breathing, smiling and laughing, and all I can do is cry. How do I get over the loss of someone I gave life to, who I loved and cared for even when she was difficult to deal with? How do I live with the knowledge that I may never again hear her laughter and see her smile? I’m not sure, so I will continue to reach out, hopefully in an enlightened way that will be full of compassion and kindness, and hope that one day she will soften, find forgiveness, and know that whatever errors I made, I was doing the best I could. She will forever be my child and I will never give up.
